The Doctor and Rose: Adventures in TVLand
by go.suck.on.a.lemon
Summary: The Doctor and Rose are sucked into the TV and visit all my favourite and least favourite TV shows. Yours too, if you request them. Some DoctorRose. Post Doomsday and reunion.
1. Chapter 1

**The Doctor & Rose: Adventures in TV-Land**

AN: Right a bit of background to make this piece make sense. First off, Rose has returned from "Pete's World" and she and the Doctor are now together. (The beach scene happened you see, and after that admission of feeling they couldn't go back. Convenient, no:P) Also The Doctor figured out a way to travel through the void without destroying the universe (hence getting Rose back) and she can now spend time with both him and her family, which made her mom very happy. Third, this is my first Doctor Who fic, so please review to encourage the posting of further chapters and the like. Oh and btw it's 10/Rose fluffy goodness.

Disclaimer: Dear god do I wish I owned Doctor Who, or even just David Tennant, but I don't so please don't sue. About the only thing I have of value is the notebook I have plastered with photos of the Doctor. :P

And now, on to the story…

**Prologue**

"Doctor! There's something wrong with the telly!"

The Doctor sighed and hauled himself out from underneath the control station of the TARDIS. "Coming Rose!" Silly little ape had probably misplaced the remote or something. But she wouldn't call him over a lost remote, would she? Unconsciously he picked up his pace as he skedaddled down the corridor. (I don't care if he'd skedaddle; I'm writing this therefore he does. So there.)

Reaching the TV room he found Rose standing in front of the screen, hands on hips. Not good, she had her "Jackie Tyler is just a phone call away and I don't care how cute she thinks you are she'll slap you if I ask her to" face on. Not good, not good at all.

Then he noticed the TV. Oh _really_ not good, in fact, very very bad. Where the screen should have been there was a swirling cerulean maelstrom. And it seemed to be gaining strength; at the very least it was expanding.

"Doctor, what is it?" For the first time he noticed the edge of trepidation in Rose's tone and demeanor. Ever since they'd been reunited they were each secretly terrified of being separated once more, though he hid it better than she did.

It was this fear that propelled the Doctor across the room towards her. "Rose! We need to get out, right now. I don't know what it is, and neither does the TARDIS, I asked. We're in trouble."

Her eyes widened and she opened her mouth to respond, but at that moment a thin tendril of the vortex whipped towards her, fastening itself around her waist and tugging her towards the place where the screen used to be. It was just too much like being dragged towards the void again, Rose started screaming.

Like lightning the Doctor reached out and grabbed her wrist, only to find himself being dragged along after her. He only had time to double check the presence of his sonic screwdriver in his right trouser pocket before they were pulled into the azure whirlpool. With their disappearance came the disappearance of any abnormality in the room. The television screen was solid and black once more, the only sign that anyone had been in the room recently being the overturned bowl of popcorn on the floor.

Tune in next time to see just what the Doctor and Rose will encounter first in the world of television. Will it be monsters? Demons? Baywatch girls? Or even (horror of horrors) the cast of seventh heaven? Scratch that last one, it's just too horrible to contemplate.


	2. Teletubbies From Hell

**Chapter 1: Teletubbies from Hell**

The first thing the Doctor saw when he came around was a brilliantly yellow sun with an infant's face in the middle. Odd. He sat up slowly, blinking furiously against the incessant pounding in his head. Rose was sprawled a few meters away, quite still. Panic shot through his hearts and he crawled urgently to her side.

"Rose?" He grasped her shoulder and shook it. "Rose please, talk to me, Rose! Say something!"

She coughed, close enough. He relaxed, she was all right; or at the very least she was alive. He pulled out his sonic screwdriver and quickly scanned her from toe to head: nothing broken, nothing damaged. Oops scratch that, minor concussion. He adjusted the setting and held the screwdriver against her temple, then replaced it in his pocket. The Doctor thought a moment, then pulled it out once more and held it against his own temple. Immediately the throbbing subsided, he sighed in relief.

As he replaced the screwdriver a second time Rose started to come to. He helped her to a sitting position and held her as she got her bearings. It appeared they were in the middle of a wide green field with some hills and plenty of flowers. It would have been nice enough, except that everything has a distinctly artificial tinge to it. This was punctuated by a giggling from overhead, it seemed the baby-sun was laughing at them.

Rose turned to face him. "Doctor, where are we?" she queried.

"I haven't the faintest idea," he admitted, "but it doesn't look like anywhere I've been before. It's got an odd feel about it." He looked at her and grinned before springing to his feet. "Right then Rose Tyler, shall we investigate?" He waggled his eyebrows and reached down to help her up.

Rose grinned and grasped his hand, keeping hold of it after she got to her feet. However, while they were talking they failed to notice the appearance of a sinister blue-antennae over the hill behind them. The Doctor and Rose headed in the opposite direction and were therefore not notified to this presence. Tinky Winky grinned and switched on his stomach. "Eh-oh! Tinky Winky to base."

Laa-laa's face appeared on the screen. "Eh-oh Tinky Winky! Report."

"We have intruders High Commander, human adults by the looks of it. They could throw a monkey wrench into our plans, should I dispatch them?" Somehow the perpetual grin on his blue face didn't seem quite so carefree, in fact he looked downright evil.

Laa-laa's expression was the same. "No, hold position, we need to give the Legion of Doom someone to practice on. Po will meet you there, where you will co-ordinate the attack. Dipsy and myself will work with Noo-noo on the technical side of things at the Tubbytronic Superdome. Inform me when the attack is about to commence, and watch out for enemy combatants." Laa-laa eyes glowed with a sinister ethereal light, "High Commander Laa-laa over and out."

The tummy-screen went blank and Tinky Winky sighed, just once he'd like to be trusted to get an assignment right without having Po along. Not that he didn't appreciate the kid's help but sometimes it could get aggravating having a computer geek trail you everywhere. Really, he reasoned, it should have been Dipsy out here with him, but ever since that last battle Dipsy hadn't quite been all there.

Five minutes later Po crested the hill leading the Legion of Doom troops behind her. "Eh-oh Tinky Winky!"

"Eh-oh Po. Are the troops all here?" He glanced over Po's shoulder.

"Yes sir, would you like to inspect them?" Po didn't seem too keen on this idea, they'd left in an awful hurry and to be honest she wasn't really sure if everyone was ready for action.

Tinky Winky sensed this and sighed, "A simple roll call will be highly sufficient thank you Private." He pulled a clipboard out of his purse and began to shout names. "Private Blossom!"

"Here Sir!"

"Private Bubbles!"

"Here Sir!"

"Private Buttercup!"

"Here Sir!"

"Private Elmo!"

"Here Sir!"

"Private Grover!"

"Here Sir!"

"Private Cookie Monster!"

"Here Sir!"

"Private Ernie!"

"Here Sir!"

"Private Bert!"

"Here Sir!"

"Private Big Bird!"

"Here Sir!"

"Private Zoe!"

"Here Sir!"

"Private Count von Count!"

"Here Sir!"

"Private Snuffleupagus!"

"Here Sir!"

"Private Oscar the Grouch!"

"Here Sir!"

"Private Two-headed Monster!"

"Here Sir!"

"Here Sir!"

"Private Rocco!"

Nobody said anything. Tinky Winky tried again, "Private Rocco!"

Nobody said anything again. Tinky Winky got annoyed. He didn't notice the small rock sitting at the end of the line next to Zoe. "Will someone please tell me where Private Rocco is?"

Zoe cleared her throat. Her voice wavered slightly, "Sir, permission to speak, Sir!"

Tinky Winky rolled his eyes; someone had been watching a few too many earth army movies. "Yes private, what is it?"

"Sir, Private Rocco is here, Sir, he just has laryngitis."

"Well then why didn't he raise his hand when is name was called?" Honestly, some of these troopers shouldn't have been allowed out of the dome without a nanny, thought Tinky Winky.

"Sir, he has no arms, Sir!"

That stopped Tinky Winky short. "Would you like to repeat that private? How can a Legion of Doom trooper have no arms? How does he hold his sub-machine gun?"

"Sir, he's a rock, Sir!"

Tinky Winky sighed; this was going to take a while.

**Meanwhile**…

The Doctor and Rose had been walking for some time but the terrain didn't seem to have changed in the slightest. Everywhere it was the same rolling hills, the same flowers, the same clouds, the same sky. And everywhere that creepy baby in the sun seemed to be watching them. Finally Rose stopped walking. The Doctor frowned a query.

"I'm hot and tired and we don't seem to be any closer to finding out where the heck we are, we're taking a breather." Her tone left no room for argument and he acquiesced, they flopped down on the impossibly green grass. The Doctor was getting rather hot as well, he took off his tie and put it around his forehead, then pulled his sunglasses out of his jacket pocket. Rose giggled.

"What?"

She giggled again, "I can't see you like that without picturing you drunk, lecturing me about bananas." At this she dissolved into an uncontrollable fit of mirth.

The Doctor frowned, "Oi, I was not _actually_ drunk!" This only made her laugh harder however. He tried to keep a straight, but a smile pulled at the corner of his mouth, eventually spreading over his whole face as he started laughing with her.

They were still like this, sprawled on the ground howling with uncontainable laughter when the dog ambled over the hill towards them. He sniffed them and cocked his head to the side in contemplation. Then he scurried back over the hill, returning a moment later with a man in tow. He had a scruffy beard and wore a green t-shirt several sizes too large for him that \matched the dog's collar.

"Well gosh Scooby, I dunno. They don't _look_ like Legion of Doom troopers, they're too happy." He cocked his head as well, in an unconscious imitation of the dog.

Upon hearing his voice the Doctor and Rose looked up, suddenly silent. The man was animated. Honest to good ness 2-D animated. And so was the dog. Where the heck were they?

"Umm, Hello," tried the Doctor, "You wouldn't happen to know where we are do you?"

Rose was staring wide eyed at the duo. "Doctor," she whispered. He didn't seem to hear her; he was beaming broadly at the new arrivals. "Doctor!" She tried a bit louder, "I think I know where we are!"

That got his attention; he whipped around to face her. "Brilliant!" He turned to face the man and dog once more, "Sorry about that, guess we won't be needing your help after all, nice meeting you though!" He quickly swung back around to face Rose once more. "Right, so, where are we?"

Rose looked a bit unsure of her response, but she forged ahead anyways, "I think we're in the TV, like actually in it, in the shows." She glanced at the Doctor, looking for support. He smiled encouragement at her. "I think," she glanced up at the man and dog, who were still standing there, "I think, and correct me if I'm wrong, that you're Shaggy and Scooby Doo?"

"Wow, she knows who we are! How about that Scooby, we must be getting really famous solving mysteries!" The man seemed enthusiastic, if a bit odd, thought the Doctor. He was, after all, talking to the dog like he understood him. Then again, who's to say he couldn't, if cats could run a hospital…

"Rooby Rooby Roo!" howled Scooby Doo. Shaggy smiled.

The doctor just started at them, then slowly turned to face Rose. "We're in the TV."

"We're in the TV," agreed Rose. Neither one seemed too happy about the idea. Rose, looked over at Shaggy and Scooby again, then back at the Doctor. "I can't believe we're in the bleeding TV, how do we get out!"

The Doctor sighed, "I honestly don't know, I can't say I've been in this situation before. It's not as if the television is a regular stop when traveling through time and space." He offered a wry smile, then turned once more towards Shaggy and Scooby.

"Right, on second thought we could still use your help. We're a bit tired and really hot, do you know anywhere we could get a drink?" He kept a congenial smile on his face, but in his head he was wildly formulating ways to get out of this situation. Or trying to at least, he really had absolutely no clue what to do next. It was a new experience for him, and not one he was particularly enjoying.

"Well sure we do! Just over here, you can come along to the base. Oh wait," his face fell, "we're supposed to make sure you aren't part of the Legion of Doom. Especially after last time." Scooby Doo nodded his agreement. "Right, so, you're not part of the Legion of Doom, are you?"

Rose and the Doctor were taken aback by this direct question; it wasn't exactly the type of interrogation they were used to. "Umm, no?" Rose tried.

Shaggy broke into a broad grin, "Great! Come on then." He started walking over the top off the hill, Scooby following closely behind. At the top he turned and waved at them to follow, apparently surprised they weren't right behind him. The Doctor quickly stood and helped Rose to her feet, both looking a bit bewildered. They trailed after their unconventional guides.

At the top of the hill they were greeted with an amazing view. The strangest encampment the Doctor had ever seen dominated the landscape at the bottom of the valley. There was a van reading "Mystery Machine" on the side, several large camouflage tents, a small trailer with a large assortment of satellite equipment on the roof, and a garage with a sign on the door reading "Zords."

"Come on, I wanna introduce you to the rest of the gang!" The Doctor had to give it to the guy, he was certainly (pardon the pun) animated. Shaggy headed down, calling out as he went, "Hey guys, I found some people I want you to meet!"

If the combination of structures had been odd, the assortment of people that emerged from them was definitely weirder. Out of the "Mystery Machine" came some other 2-D people who seemed like they might bee from the same show as Shaggy and Scooby. A two more 2-d people came from one of the tents, a girl with ginger hair and a blonde boy with some kind of rodent sticking out of his pocket. They were both dressed in black shirts and cargo pants, and the girl had a sort of variation on the Batman utility belt. A geeky 2-D teenager came from the trailer, pasty skinned and pimply. Just as the Doctor started to wonder if this was a camp of entirely 2-D people a group emerged from the "Zords" garage. They were all wearing monochromatic spandex suits with matching helmets.

Rose turned to the doctor, wide-mouthed with wonder. "I know who they are," she whispered urgently, "But they're not supposed to be all together like this, this isn't part of any show I've ever seen."

They stared at the odd assortment of characters approaching them. They found themselves shaking hands and being introduced to everyone present, even the rodent, a naked mole rat as it turned out. The crew from the van was Fred, Daphne and Velma, friends of Scooby and Shaggy Rose informed the Doctor. The ginger girl was Kim Possible, and the boy was her sidekick Ron Stoppable. The mole rat was called Rufus. Dexter Douglas, the boy from the trailer didn't seem familiar to Rose, but she smiled and shook him hand anyways. The Doctor, however, could sense there was more to the kid than met the eye. He'd have to talk to him about it later. Finally they met the 3-d people: the Red Ranger, Blue Ranger, Yellow Ranger, Pink Ranger and Green Ranger. As they headed for one of the larger tents marked "Canteen" Rose explained that together they were the Power Rangers, which meant absolutely nothing to the Doctor.

They sat a table with Fred, Kim, Dexter, and the Red Ranger eating the milk and chicken soup they had been given (good wholesome hero food, don'tcha think?). Kim was the first to speak, "So, tell us, what are you doing here?"

The Doctor and Rose exchanged looks before the Doctor spoke up. "We really don't know," he lied quickly, "we were just sitting at home erm… watching TV and we fell asleep. When we woke up we were here. By the way, where is here precisely?" It was all very well and good knowing they were inside the TV, but the Doctor figured it was probably better to know exactly what show.

Fred's face darkened, "You're in the land of the Teletubbies. They started recruiting a few months ago; they want to expand beyond the borders. They've already got the Powerpuff Girls and the Sesame Street crew on their side. We're here to fight them and stop them from taking over our swell and groovy worlds as well. Together we're the Power-Mystery-Possible-Freak League." Kim, Dexter and the Red Ranger nodded agreement.

Before Rose and the Doctor had time to process this information a siren went off. The effect was immediate, everyone in the tent sprinted outside. Cresting the hill into the camp was the Legion of Doom. Rocco was clutched firmly in Zoe's hand.

"There is something so wrong about this whole situation," commented Rose, "I mean these are _children's_ characters, they shouldn't be fighting they should be learning valuable lessons and sculpting the next generation into socially responsible members of society."

The Doctor goggled at Rose, "Is that honestly what kids shows are for? Wow, humans are getting odder than I thought, using fuzzy puppets and 2-dimensional people to teach children." He shook his head, before going back to watching the oncoming Legion.

Tinky Winky was making right for Rose and the Doctor, which didn't seem good at all. Just then Dexter Douglas leaped in his path screaming, "Freakout!" With a brilliant flash he transformed into a tall blue guy with hair like the bride of Frankenstein. He wore a bright red jumpsuit with "F!" on the front.

Rose snapped her fingers, "Now I know where I know him from, he's Freakazoid! He got his powers from being zapped into the Internet, I used to love his show!" The Doctor gave her an odd look. "What? It was funny!"

The Legion of Doom was getting closer, and they watched transfixed as their newfound friend plunged into the battle, each fighting with their own unique style. This had to be the strangest fight the Doctor had ever seen, and he'd seen almost every kind you could.

Without anyone noticing her Po had snuck up on the pair from behind. She grinned and stepped off her scooter, which quickly folded up into a blaster. Now, rule number one in the handbook for Legion of Doom troopers is NOT to alert the enemy to your presence until after you have killed them, in other words not all. Unfortunately Po had never gotten past the introduction. "Say your prayers humans!" she screeched. With amazing speed the Doctor spun while pulling out his sonic screwdriver. He hadn't reset the settings since curing Rose and his own concussions earlier; the impact of the screwdriver on Po was decidedly unique as a consequence. The screwdriver transferred both head traumas to Po's head. Her eyes went unfocused, she swayed, list her footing, and fell unconscious to the ground.

Something he turned back to Rose only to see the vortex once again opening behind her. "Rose!" he cried, running to her. They grasped hands and were once again pulled into its reeling depths. Their disappearance went unnoticed on the battlefield. Later the only evidence of their presence found would be two half-empty bowls of chicken soup and the addition of a severely concussed Po to the prisoners of the Power-Mystery-Possible-Freak League.


	3. Foxy like a Fox

A/N: No, this fic has not been completely abandoned and left to the mercy of wild space-dogs and whatnot! Turns out I'm a lazy butt, I really have no good excuse. :P That said, this chapter did require research, in that I re-watched a ton of Relic Hunter. And all for the good of the story, not because I'm obsessed with that show at all, oh no. shifty eyes Ahem, moving on… I really hope you like this chapter. For those of you who haven't seen Relic Hunter I highly recommend it, and not just because Nigel's just too cute. And now on to the essentials:

Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who or Relic Hunter, but I would like to. Hint hint to any multi-millionaires people who happen to be reading this.

Enjoy!

P.S. I do know about Egypt, I swear, but this piece was not intended to be terribly historically accurate, just Relic Hunter accurate, so please forgive any gaping factual errors. A cookie and high-five to anyone who can tell me what Relic Hunter episode I based this off.

**Chapter 2: Foxy Like a Fox**

Fortunately this time the vortex spit them out fully conscious. Unfortunately it deposited them on the edge of a very high cliff. The moment it took them to get their bearings was too long, alas, and they pitched forward, toppling towards the sands hundreds of feet below.

"Doctor! Do something!" Rose screamed. She clutched desperately at his lapels. They were falling headfirst, feet flailing uselessly at the empty air when a rope fastened itself securely around the Doctor's ankle. The sudden stop caught them both by surprise, and Rose lost her grip on the Doctor as inertia took effect and her body continued to drop.

"Rose!" It was the Doctor's turn to yell. He grasped desperately at the air and somehow managed to get hold of one of her hands. Rose jolted to a halt. "Rose, give me your other hand," the Doctor's voice was quietly reassuring, though his face betrayed his panic. Rose herself was terrified, but she swung her hand up into the Doctor's steady grasp. They smiled nervously at each other, more to relieve tension then anything else.

"Okay Syd, That's both of them," called a strangely sexy voice from up above.

The rope started to move back up, inch by inch. It didn't take very long to reach the top, they hadn't fallen as far as it had seemed. At last the Doctor and Rose were dragged back onto rocky, solid ground. They lay sprawled and panting, barely believing they were alive.

When they finally turned to see their rescuers they found a tall, black haired woman in extremely tight-fitting and low-cut black clothes staring back at them. She was holding a frayed rope that was still attached to the Doctor's foot. Behind her was a young man with light brown hair and glasses wearing a polo shirt and khakis. They were an outlandish pair. Where the woman looked ready for combat, or at least an adult fetish club, the man seemed more suited to an office, or a Starbucks. Maybe even an office beside a Starbucks.

The man cleared his throat and muttered something to the woman, glancing nervously in the direction of the Doctor as he did so. She gave him reproving look, then turned back to our heroes.

"Hi," her voice warm and definitely American, "I'm Sydney Fox, professor of ancient studies. This is my assistant Nigel Bailey." She offered her hand to the Doctor and he shook it, all the while shooting Rose a "tell me what show we're in and fast" look. Rose shook her head; she'd never watched _Relic Hunter_ in her life.

It took the Doctor a moment to realize why Sydney and Nigel were staring at them. "Oh, sorry, I'm the Doctor, this is Rose, my…companion?"

Rose elbowed him in the ribs, "Girlfriend, I'm his girlfriend." She grinned, so far the only people she'd been able to tell that to had been her Mum, parallel-Dad and Mickey. Yes, she reasoned, Sydney and Nigel were fictional, but it was still nice to be able to say it.

Nigel interrupted her moment, "Yes, well, that's all very nice, hate to break up the introductions, but Syd, we're running out of time." He was practically jumping up and down with anxiety. It didn't stop Rose from noticing how darn cute he was, though.

At this Sydney started to look worried, she walked over to the cliff and peered down. Unconsciously Rose and the Doctor glanced down as well. A convoy of black vehicles was making its way towards the base of, "Bloody hell Rose, we're sitting on the Sphinx."

"Damnit. Nigel they're coming." Sydney looked suddenly grim, a sharp contrast to her smiling congeniality a moment before. She walked quickly back to Nigel, knelt down on the ground and began sweeping sand from the surface of the Sphinx. "It's got to be here," she muttered quietly.

Nigel, having chanced a quick peek over the edge, quickly went to aid Sydney in her task. "Listen, Syd, maybe we should go. How do you even know it' here, how good was you source, really?" She shot him a look and he immediately shut up, concentrating once more on the task at hand.

Rose was having a hard time processing everything, possibly as an after-effect of the vortex; she was staring blankly at the Doctor. "What, _the_ Sphinx? In Egypt?"

The Doctor nodded, thinking hard, and of course talking, "Ok, let's see if I have this right—"

Sydney glanced up suddenly, having almost forgotten the pair who had appeared so strangely and suddenly. She cut the Doctor off. "If what you say helps me understand how you both just popped out of nowhere, or whatever you did then go ahead and talk, but if you want to live then help me find the door."

The Doctor shrugged. He and Rose crawled over and began brushing around and feeling for anything that resembled a door. "What I was say, he continued, "was that we're on the sphinx and you're being chased by…?"

"The Tamaran Order."

"The Tamaran Order, thank you, which means that you've got, or you're looking for, something that they want. It's the wrong year for the Beaumont Comet, so it's got to be…." He snapped his fingers excitedly, "the nose! You're looking for the nose of the Sphinx. And the reason you're looking for it on top is because you, or someone you know, found the lost scrolls of Mafdet, and now you think that maybe they're right and the nose wasn't actually blown off as target practice, like everyone thinks."

The Doctor paused and grinned delightedly. Sydney and Nigel had both stopped working and were staring at him, open-mouthed. "How…" Sydney shook her head and went back to sweeping. Nigel followed suit a moment later.

Rose was back peering over the ledge, so she was the one who saw the convoy stop at the base of the sphinx. A tall blonde woman got out of the first vehicle, a sleek black SUV, wearing a white mini-dress and carrying an AK-47. Rose's mouth formed a small "oh" of surprise and she scuttled back to the group as fats as she could. Seeing the Doctor was about to start ranting again she quickly put a hand over his mouth, the only sure way she knew to stop him without drawing too much attention to their position.

"We have a, uh, slight problem down below," she whispered, "they're here. And they've got guns, big ones."

Sydney gave a snarl of frustration, the bad guys always showed up at the most inopportune moments.

The Doctor was trying to attract the attention of thee rest of the group with rose's hand still over his mouth. Eventually he just stuck out his tongue and she pulled her hand away. "Right, first things first, if you're up here on the head of the Sphinx searching for the engraving described in the scroll, then you're wasting your time. Trust me, I was there when that scroll was written, and it's a load of bupkiss. Bupkiss, hmm, I should use that more often, anywho, where was I? Oh yeah, the scroll was written so that the Tamaran Order would never get their hands on the nose, just spend eternity searching around up here for an inscription that doesn't exist. That being the case, I think we ought to get out of here."

Sydney was staring again, Nigel had begun sputtering. "There when it was written? That's impossible! Syd, he's nuts!"

Sydney was shaking her head slowly, "I dunno Nigel, I mean he popped out of thin air, and I know you don't believe me on this, but the last time we ran into the Tamaran Order their leader disappeared before my eyes."

Rose, who had been looking anxiously over the side once more, was the one who finally got them moving. "Look, believe him or don't, but I seriously think we should get out of here, they're not down there anymore."

Sydney immediately sprang into action, "Right, we're going down the side." Nigel seemed about to protest but she quickly silenced him with an explanation, "They're obviously not coming that way Nig, and whatever route they do come up is not the one I want to take. Not open for discussion." She took out a small crossbow and shot it into the rock, then, grasping the rope attached to the arrow, she stepped over the cliff.

Nigel looked slightly queasy, but walked to the edge, grabbed the rope and shimmied off on his bottom. Rose glanced at the Doctor, and they both shrugged, then slid down one after the other.

Sidney and Nigel were already the bottom, sneaking into the black SUV, when Rose and the Doctor made it halfway down the rope. Fortunately for Sidney, she had already detached her crossbow, because the vortex appeared once more at the bottom of the rope. The Doctor, swore, they had no choice but to be transported once again. Ah well, didn't mean they couldn't be a bit helpful before they went.

He made sure Sydney and Nigel were looking at him, which they were due to the maelstrom attempting to suck him in at the moment, before he started speaking. "Listen, nice meeting you and all, but we really have to go. Oh, and if you really want to get to the nose before the Tamaran, then I'd suggest you take a close look inside the burial chamber of Queen Hetepheres." With that he let go of the rope, grasped Rose's ankle, and the two of them tumbled together into the blue maelstrom once more.

Sydney and Nigel blinked dazedly, then silently got into the vehicle and just sat for a moment. They glanced over at each other. "You don't think he's right, by any chance?" queried Nigel.

"Nah couldn't be… could he?"

"No, no, of course not. Totally loopy."

"Definitely." Sydney paused, "Then again…"

"Well, it couldn't hurt to check, could it?" reasoned Nigel.

Sydney looked at him sideways. "Are you saying that because you want to check, or because you don't want to deal with the Tamaran again?"

Nigel shifted guiltily, "Uh, well, both?"

"Good enough for me." Sydney grinned, hotwired the SUV, and peeled off.


	4. Let's Play

A/N: Ok, Incredibly short chapter, I know, but there was really only so much I could do with this show. Next chappie will be longer, and far more bizarre. There are goats. No really, goats, I swear. Fine, don't believe me, you'll see. 

**Let's Play**

The whole falling thing didn't pan out too well when they landed this time. The floor caught the Doctor and the Doctor caught rose, in a manner of speaking. It was really more along the lines of an incredibly ungraceful crash that resulted in a large pile with a great many limbs sticking out at odd angles. The situation was only exacerbated by the fact that they had landed in a theatre chair. It was really quite exceptionally painful.

Rose got her breath back first, being the one who had ended up on top, and managed to roll herself off the Doctor carefully. She sat heavily on the floor and shook her left leg, trying to get rid of the tingling sensation that had commenced when she whacked it heavily on the armrest.

The Doctor groaned. He raised his face from where it had been squished into the seat cushion and looked for Rose. "We really have to stop dropping into places like this Rose." He grinned blearily at her.

"The dropping part, or just doing it into places like this? Think we need to raise our standards above--" She stopped suddenly, looking around. "Television studios? What the heck? I thought we were _inside_ the shows!"

Sitting up properly the Doctor glanced around. "Huh." 

"Huh?"

"Yep, huh. That's all I've got. No clue where we are." He shrugged as the lights came up in the centre of the room. 

"Doctor?" Rose's voice was shaking, "this is looking strangely familiar, and not I a good way."

The room was circular, theatre seating like the chair they had landed in spanned nearly the entire circumference. There were several podiums in a half-circle n the middle of the room, all facing a single pulpit in the centre. The lights were blue, quite strikingly so, and they zeroed in on the figures standing at each station. 

"Oh dear…" The Doctor reached out and drew Rose to him, straightening up so she could perch in his lap. "It's alright Rose, you're up here not down there. This is TV from your world, not the Gamestation." She was shaking now, and he redoubled his efforts. "Rose look at me, my face, not down there. Rose!"

Slowly she turned to face him, tears in her eyes, shuddering, terrified. "Doctor, we… we have to go… I need to get out of here." She huddled into the circle of his arms and he pulled her as close as he could, trying to shelter her from the gameshow below.

Someone else was walking into the lights now, a slight woman with short hair and a grim expression. She stopped at the central podium and looked around before starting to speak, "Welcome to The Weakest Link."

Rose started screaming. Everyone in the studio whipped around to look at them; the spotlights turned their blue light on the pair. It was perhaps because of this that no one noticed the large blue vortex forming, and that it was such a shock when they suddenly disappeared into thin air. Later on Cameraman #5 would be congratulated for catching the most interesting moment of the show's history on film. 


End file.
